Search Terms
Posted on April 26, 2007 at 05:14 PM
I'll get into phases when I obsessively check the search terms that bring people to my website. Most frequently they have to do with SNL, and I've also been getting a lot of hits from people searching for "Kristen's story archive," which turns out to be an erotica site. But here's what might be the best search term that has ever pointed to me:
"Can chopped up liver move on its own"
This phrase pointed to my website because of the Levels of Liver post from a couple of weeks ago. But let's think about this for a minute, think about the process that went into someone typing this search phrase. Someone has some chopped up liver. I'm pretty sure this is actual liver because it says "chopped up liver," not "chopped liver" like the saying. So this person has chopped up liver, and it moves. It goes somewhere else. I can only dream of where it moved. Like the person chops up the liver, goes to talk on the phone for a bit, and when he returns, he discovers the liver is on the couch watching Dr. Phil. So the person stares at the liver for a bit (which sighs happily when Bobby and Cindy apologize to each other for being shitheads), then goes to the Google, and types, "Can chopped up liver move on its own," hoping to learn about the phenomenon of "liver feet," tiny hair-like structures that grow only on chopped up liver and cause it to travel towards the comforting glow of daytime TV.
For anyone else who comes to this blog wanting to know if chopped up liver can move on its own, I'm going to venture a guess here, although I'll warn you that I'm no liver scientist: no. An organ that has been removed from a dead animal and chopped into pieces is probably not moving on its own. It probably has worms. Don't eat it.