Levels of Liver
Posted on April 04, 2007 at 08:20 PM
Did you ever think that there might be other liver-based signifiers for what someone thinks of a person besides "chopped liver"? I mean, we’re all familiar with the phrase, "What am I, chopped liver?" used when a person is considered to be insignificant. However, there are a number of other states a liver can be in, and thus I propose this new system:
| State of Liver | What it Means |
| Whole liver, in animal, still healthy | Marry you? Of course I will! I’ve never felt a more intense feeling of passion and happiness towards a person! |
| Whole liver, in animal, diseased | After all these years, I still care deeply about you and also don’t mind your Hummel collection. |
| Whole liver, in animal, deceased | When Anna Nicole died, you were the first person I called. |
| Whole liver, removed from animal | When Anna Nicole died, you were the third person I called. Also, please stop calling me "dude." |
| Liver, halved | That's a nice lighthouse-of-the-month calendar, coworker. |
| Chopped liver | You’re not really in my line of sight. Like Val Kilmer. What the hell happened to him? |
| Diced liver | I can’t believe you had sex with my girlfriend. |
| Pureed liver | I can’t believe you wrecked my car because you were having sex with my girlfriend while driving. |
| Pureed liver, heated until it turns to nothingness | Fuck off, Hitler. |